Feeling stuck? Having trouble making a change—even when it seems like it should be easy? You’re not alone. Sometimes, instead of trying to figure out why you’re stuck, it can be more helpful to focus on what to do next. If “just do it” advice hasn’t worked, try the approach below.  Read further below for a step-by-step example.

Process Visualization
Process visualization means practicing a change in your mind before doing it in real life. When you clearly imagine the steps, your brain becomes more prepared to follow through. Adding your senses—what you see, hear, and feel—can make this even more effective.

How to Practice
1. Choose the goal you want to work on.
2. Sit in a comfortable position.
3. Take 3–4 slow breaths, match your inhale with your exhale.
4. Let your breathing return to normal.
5. Consider each simple, manageable step to reach that goal.
6. Picture yourself completing each step, one at a time.
7. As you imagine each step, notice your senses:
• What do you see?
• What do you hear?
• What do you feel?
• What do you smell?
• What do you taste?
8. Go through the full process from start to finish in your mind.
9. When you finish, allow yourself a small smile.
10. Take a moment to feel proud - like you just completed the goal.

Step-By-Step Example: Want to go to the gym but keep putting it off?

Instead of focusing on the entire goal, imagine each step needed to reach that goal. Get into a comfortable sitting position, steady your breathing. Then, using your senses, step 5:

• Picture yourself getting out of bed: Feel your feet touch the floor — is it warm, cold, soft, or firm? Notice and describe it to yourself.
• Picture yourself getting dressed: What goes on first? What color is it? How does the fabric feel?
• Picture yourself grabbing breakfast: Feel the cool air from the fridge and taste the first bite or sip.
• Picture yourself heading out the door: Keys in hand, door locking, weather on your skin — what are you bringing with you?
• Picture yourself walking into the gym: See the check-in counter, hear the sounds, and find your path to the locker room.

Try to make the images as detailed as possible by using your senses.

A Helpful Reminder
This exercise works best when you pair it with small, real-life action steps. You don’t need to feel fully motivated to begin—just start with one step. This exercise takes patience and consistency, sometimes just a few times and sometimes a couple of weeks.

Feeling overwhelmed and anxious? You’re hardly alone. But there’s good news! Anxiety doesn’t have to be all-consuming or have control over your life. Read for the best ways to reclaim your serenity and find some inner peace.

Embracing anxiety: turning an adversary into an ally
Learning to approach your anxiety with curiosity and openness rather than fear can be incredibly empowering. It might seem strange to “befriend” your anxiety, but doing so can help shift your perspective from viewing anxiety as an enemy to seeing it as a signal or message from your body and mind. Anxiety can provide valuable information about your internal state and what is going on in your external environment. It can alert you to credible threats or perceived threats. It can also be an indicator when your needs are not being met or when you are worried about the future. By acknowledging and accepting the presence of your anxiety when it shows up, you can develop healthier coping strategies, improve your emotional resilience and ultimately transform anxiety into a tool for personal growth and self-awareness.

Understanding your anxiety
Your anxiety might manifest differently than someone else’s, and that’s perfectly normal. Understanding your unique anxiety patterns can help you identify early warning signs and triggers, allowing you to take timely and effective action to manage it. Anxiety is an emotion that is often experienced somatically, so you might notice that your body registers the emotion before your mind does. During moments of heightened anxiety, the body’s sympathetic nervous system can become activated, leading to a range of physical sensations and symptoms. These symptoms can include increase heart rate, chest pain or tightness, trembling, muscle tension, dizziness, lightheadedness, nausea or stomach discomfort, tingling and numbness. Common triggers for anxiety can include significant life changes, stressful work situations, financial concerns, social interactions, public speaking, health issues, relationship conflicts, uncertainty about the future and overwhelming responsibilities. Keeping a journal can be helpful in recognizing patterns and specific triggers when not immediately identifiable in the moment. Identifying the physical symptoms and the triggers to your anxiety can serve as warning signs; warning signs that let you know that your body and mind are responding to a present stressor or challenge, and that it may be time to employ coping strategies to help manage it.

A few quick and easy techniques when anxiety shows up
Once you become aware of your anxiety when it comes up for you in real time, first try to just acknowledge its presence without judgement. Do so contributes to the acceptance of the feeling rather than fighting it. Engaging in slow, deep breathing can be a helpful starting point to calm your nervous system. Bringing your attention to the present moment when your mind starts to race can also be beneficial. You can do this through practicing grounding techniques by engaging your senses – simply reorient your attention to what you see, hear and feel in your immediate environment and surroundings. Writing your thoughts and feelings in a journal can also be an effective coping strategy. Listening to calming music, holding a grounding object such as a smooth stone or stress ball, listening to a guided meditation or reciting a calming mantra such as “This too shall pass”, “I am safe and secure” or “I am resilient, and I can handle this”, can all be effective ways to calm your mind and guide you back to a state of equilibrium after experiencing anxiety. It’s crucial to discover which coping skills for anxiety resonate with you, as not all techniques will be equally effective, so finding what works for you personally is essential.

Ways to proactively managing anxiety
Anxiety doesn’t only have to be managed in the moments you experience it. It’s important to develop ongoing practices that reduce its overall intensity and frequency. You can proactively reduce the likelihood of experiencing anxiety by incorporating relaxation techniques into your daily routine, even when you’re feeling quite calm. Perhaps you decide to listen to a five-minute guided meditation as part of your nighttime routine before falling asleep, or engage in mindfulness walking as you walk from your home to the train station, or take three deep breaths while waiting in line at the grocery store. There are little moments every day to creatively find ways to practice different relaxation techniques. Doing so aids in emotional regulation and can help you approach daily life and its stressors from a place of reduced baseline Anxiety. Taking proactive steps to manage anxiety also involves prioritizing self-care such as nourishing your body, taking breaks when needed, moderating caffeine consumption, staying hydrated and ensuring a good night’s sleep, which are all important for maintaining mental well-being.

Reaching Out
Experiencing anxiety is not something you have to navigate alone. Reach out to the people in your life for support, such as friends, family, co-workers and professionals. Sharing what you are experiencing with loved ones can provide comfort during challenging moments. If you find yourself experiencing anxiety, reach out to schedule a free consultation. I'm here to support you!

“I don’t belong here.” “I am not worthy of this opportunity.”“My thoughts on this are stupid.”“I am an impostor.” These are some of the common trains of thought that come from someone experiencing Impostor Syndrome.

What is impostor syndrome?

Impostor Syndrome is a specific type of cognitive self-doubt, whether it be doubting your own intellectual abilities, talents, or worthiness of your position. Impostor Syndrome can make you feel like an outcast, or an outlier in a group. With the state of uncertainties in the current world, I’ve been hearing clients discuss Impostor Syndrome more than ever. So many people in my personal and professional world have discussed the fears of losing a job, but these fears being supplemented by statements such as “I’m not seasoned enough” or “losing me wouldn’t be a great loss.” This is also a common theme amongst students, wondering if the input they provide in their Zoom classes is substantial enough, or if their classmates are more easily retaining information than they are because of how much more intelligent their classmates must be. We can also see Impostor Syndrome in our relationships, when we start comparing ourselves to our partner’s previous partners, or wondering what they see in us compared to some of the other people they have been with. Impostor Syndrome has always been there for many of us, whether we have known how to label it or not, but it does not have to stop us from fulfilling our goals and dreams.

Who develops Impostor Syndrome?

Impostor syndrome is not exclusive to any group of people. Although it is most commonly found in individuals who grew up with high achievement standards, many very successful people have had to overcome their self-doubt and validate their capabilities.  Some well-knownexamples of these include CEO of Starbucks Howard Schultz; Tom Hanks; Maya Angelou; Dean of the College of Arts and Sciences at Duke University, Valerie Shears Ashby; David Bowie; Tina Fey; and Serena Williams. All of these individuals can be seen to many as the best at what the do, the most intelligent in their fields, or the most awarded in their sport – yet still they have been outspoken on what it would feel like if everyone were to discover that they were a fraud, or that there were others out there more deserving of the opportunities they have earned. In our everyday lives, feeling like a fraud or finding others to be more deserving can come out in many ways. For many people in the work force, feeling like an impostor can mean that they do not want to accept compliments or praise about their performance, because they are still comparing themselves to others who they perceive are at a higher level. Feeling like an impostor can also create a spiral effect, where those feelings of inferiority or imagining yourself to be a fraud, can cause you to put extra time into perfecting your work or craft, which leads to not participating in enough self-care or recognizing your contributions. I have heard from several individuals who have been passed up for a promotion, that following this they poured their time into work, seeking to be the best in their division, and as a result grew tired, burnt out, resentful, and ignored some of the most important things in life like family, friendships, and hobbies. Even when it comes to hobbies and extracurricular activities, those feelings related to Impostor Syndrome can surface. You may start dictating your goals for improvement by comparing yourself to the work or abilities of others, which becomes de-motivating and causes you to stop your craft. For example, if you start learning to play the piano, and begin to truly enjoy learning and setting goals for yourself to improve, that’s great! However, when you begin to watch videos of other talented pianists, or have friends who are able to play really well, and start to think to yourself things such as ‘I’ll never be as good as my friend,’ ‘I’m not good enough to play in front of other people,’ or ‘I just can’t learn fast enough,’ resulting in you to totally give up on learning, the sting of Impostor Syndrome may start to be getting to you. It is important for you to know that you are not alone in feeling the way you do about yourself, and although the world around you applauds your accomplishments, it is up to you to buy in to the belief about how strong, capable, and intelligent you are as well!

What helps in combating impostor syndrome?

• Redefine what being successful means: Those with impostor syndrome often fall into the theme of chasing the destination and not enjoying the journey. When we are so focused on achieving milestones that we feel will increase our status or better others perceptions of our capabilities, we don’t recognize the hard work we took to get there. Ask yourself: am I living a life that is dictated by being the best, or am I living a life where I am the best for myself, but thriving to continue learning and growing? Many people also often get caught up in the fears of being a rookie at their craft. Why are you rejecting yourself because you aren’t at the same level as a colleague who has been at your company for ten years? Why do we let the comparison to others successes stop us from doing what we truly love? You are learning and are growing every day! You are writing your story on the ladder of success right now, and if you focus too much on the end product, you ignore all the steps you took and triumphs you have had on the way to getting there.
• Focus on why you belong and the myths your mind is making up:The job, school, program, group, or organization you belong to, did not select you because you are the worst at what you do. You are an important part of these and you were chosen to be there for a reason! When Impostor Syndrome comes creeping in, it’s helpful to ask yourself about the validity of the claims it’s making against you. A common negative thought, such as ‘I don’t belong here’ can be negated often simply by asking yourself, ‘what’s my evidence for that?’ followed by ‘what’s my evidence against that?’ For example, if you are selected for a promotion at work, the evidence that supports this is that clearly you have excelled at your job, managers and supervisors admire your work, and you have built a good reputation in your company. In the astounding majority of cases, you would not be chosen for a promotion if your company wanted you to fail, if they thought there were better candidates for the position, or if you were not viewed as valuable and knowledgeable in your life of work.
• Practice mindfulness and self-gratitude:A part of being mindful is not just focusing on your faults or deficits, but giving yourself time to celebrate your successes in the present moment that they are happening. Reflecting on that promotion, high grade on a test or homework, or personal achievement in a hobby or sport can help remind you why you deserve to be where you are. Work on trusting yourself and those around you by remembering why you are at this point in life, and the things you do every day to keep yourself or your organization growing. There are so many ways you can do this; whether it be through daily mind and body scans, meditations, journaling, or repeating a mantra to yourself about how capable you are. The important thing is that you take some time once in a while to appreciate yourself and all the hard work you put into life, without negatively comparing your struggles or successes to those of others.
• Talk to someone about it: I promise you, you are not alone in feeling like an impostor. Talk to your coworkers or social supports to normalize making mistakes, not knowing the answer to something immediately, or if you just need to build comraderies with others to openly discuss your feelings about your role. Talk to trusted professionals, supervisors, your therapist, or family members about how they built their confidence in their roles and what helped them along the way. We are all trying to give our best every day, and you are doing an awesome job at it!

Humans are creatures of habit. We like to go to the same coffee shop and order the same drink from the same barista every day before work. We have our routines and we stick to them. This can be a healthy way of functioning, but this habitual nature can also lead to great difficulty when adjusting to change. It can also keep people from initiating change in their lives, whether that is finding a new job, moving to a new city, or starting a new degree program. Change can leave people feeling uncertain and anxious because it is different from what we know, and it can feel risky to alter that comfortable routine.

So, what holds us back from making big life change? Most would answer “fear”. You wouldn’t be wrong. Fear certainly holds us back from many opportunities for growth in life. However, there is something even deeper than fear that inhibits us from leaning in to change, and that is confidence. One’s own belief in themselves and their capabilities is the underlying cause of resistance to change. The more self-confidence you have, the more capable you feel you are of being successful. The less self-confidence you have, the more likely you are to believe you will fail and the more resistant to change you will become.

It really is ok to fail. Sometimes we have to take the leap and prove to ourselves that we really are capable of adjusting to change. Individuals that thrive when change occurs are confident because they have faced change before head-on and have failed. Ironically, failure and the overcoming of failure lead to greater self-confidence. When we test ourselves physically, mentally, spiritually, etc., we realize we can push beyond the boundaries we set for ourselves. When we test ourselves we learn that we are so much more capable than we thought we were. When we fail, we are forced to adjust, to learn more about ourselves, and to try again.

Perhaps someone is not ready to jump right in to change, and that is okay. There are other ways to boost self-confidence before taking the action. It is important to note, the more these interventions are practiced, the greater the impact they will have on self-confidence.

Self-talk is everything. What you say to yourself daily influences how you feel about yourself and how you treat yourself. Negative self-talk certainly outweighs positive self-talk in individuals lacking self-confidence. Replacing negative self-talk with positive self-talk can be a process and take time. The first step is to recognize your negative self-talk and become aware of it. The next step is to replace the negative with a positive in the moment.

Reflect back on accomplishments. We truly do not give ourselves enough credit for what we have accomplished in our lifetime. Take some time to write a list of successes and try to remember what those accomplishments meant to you at that time. Reflecting back on times you overcame adversity, won an award, or completed a difficult task at work allows you to recognize your capabilities and can boost self-confidence greatly.

Do something different. Remember that monotonous daily routine you have? Try to mix it up a little by implementing one small thing into your day or week. This could be trying a new place to eat, saying hi to a stranger, switching up that shade of lipstick, or reading at night instead of watching T.V. Implementing one small thing can ease you into change, add more variety, and increase positive feelings. Once you see small change is not so bad, big change may not seem so scary.

Affirmations are a must. Affirmations are positive statements we recite to ourselves daily. Affirmations have been shown to increase happiness, but they are also a great way to increase self-confidence. An affirmation for self-confidence would look something like “I am capable of handling anything that comes my way” or “I have what it takes to be successful in life”. Although you may not believe it right away when saying it, through daily repetition your brain will come to accept these statements and believe them to be true.

It is normal to feel hesitant when facing a big life change and having fear of the unknown is very common, but becoming resistant to change can be maladaptive to our health. Building upon self-confidence in order to feel capable of navigating change is key to ultimately becoming successful after the change has occurred. Building self-confidence is also the key to getting out of your comfort zone and exploring the variety of options that life has to offer. You might just surprise yourself and find that the change you were scared to make, is actually the change you needed!

“I don’t want people to think I’m crazy.” As we field calls and emails from potential clients, this sentiment is often communicated. Thank goodness we live in a time where the stigma of mental health has decreased significantly compared to the past. According to a 2004 study by the American Psychological Association, more than a quarter of the United States adult population has received professional counseling. With continued awareness, there is hope that psychotherapy can continue to be increasingly accepted as helpful, effective, and widely supported. At Tobin Counseling Group, we are psychotherapists who practice from a cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) model. With so much information out there about different types of therapies and counseling, it can be confusing. We’re going to break it down to help you understand our approach.

What is CBT?
In 1950, psychologist Dr. Aaron T. Beck was treating depressed clients and began taking a closer look at his patient’s thoughts about themselves, the world, and their futures. According to Dr. Beck, the depressed clients experienced negative automatic thoughts which, when identified, allowed him to work on conceptualizing their depressive symptoms in a different way. Dr. Beck’s work informed the treatment model of CBT by allowing therapists to work with clients to challenge negative patterns about themselves and the world to change maladaptive behaviors. CBT is based on the notion that our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are functionally intertwined. According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), “Studies of CBT have shown it to be an effective treatment for a wide variety of mental illnesses, including depression, anxiety disorders, bipolar disorder, eating disorders and schizophrenia. Individuals who undergo CBT show changes in brain activity, suggesting that this therapy actually improves your brain functioning as well.”

What does CBT look like?
In working from a CBT framework, the goal of treatment is to identify and change the client’s negative thoughts and problem behaviors through cognitive restructuring and behavioral changes. In making small changes to our relationships to our cognitions and actions, our mood can improve and we can feel better. CBT therapists are collaborative and speak to our clients from a problem-solving perspective that is focused on the present. We want to understand our clients’ thoughts; often this involves a thought log. A traditional CBT thought log is a chart with various columns that requires a client to write down their negative automatic thoughts or images and describe what is happening when these thoughts occur (e.g, where they were, who was with them, and what happened). A client also records the emotions they are experiencing when experiencing these thoughts and what evidence they have to support these thoughts. The important next columns are about finding evidence that does not support the original negative thoughts and then developing an alternative, more neutral or balanced perspective. Finally, the client rates how much they believe this new perspective to be true and again rates their mood. By slowing down and analyzing the automatic process of having a negative thought and then feeling bad, a client is empowered to make changes and feel better. Exploration into our thoughts and being able to challenge them is why CBT can be so helpful and effective. Although CBT is focused on the present and making changes, the work often involves understanding where the core beliefs about ourselves and the world started. Instead of just believing every thought we have to be true, we start to examine which thoughts are catastrophizing ones or depressive ones or are our anxiety talking.

There is also a behavioral component of CBT, which speaks to the idea of not just thinking our way into feeling better but the necessary steps of acting our way into feeling better. In conjunction with exploring thoughts and feelings, we also have to look at the other arm of this triangle: what we are doing. Taking a look at sleeping and eating patterns or our day-to-day activities can allow us to make some healthy changes. We also want to determine if there are ways to improve our moods by changing our environment, like getting outside, utilizing breathing and relaxation techniques, or increasing activities like exercise. Just like our thoughts can be automatic, our behaviors can become mindless as well. Setting intentions and being purposeful when we choosing to engage in or abstain from certain activities can really change our perspective. The beauty of CBT is that it does not require drastic change. We explore what works and what doesn’t and we look at what small changes we can make or what we need to keep doing that already works. The therapist’s role is to help the client discover these insights and then feel empowered to challenge their thoughts and utilize good coping strategies and make positive choices on their own.

How CBT can help you
Here is a snapshot of what CBT can look like in action at Tobin Counseling Group. A potential client reaches out to our practice, schedules an initial consultation, and reports they are experiencing anxiety at work. The first session is focused on information gathering in order to give the therapist a good idea of what the anxiety looks like for the client, as well as who the client is by collecting details about the client’s family, medical, work, education, and relationship history. The therapist also works with the client to establish goals and expectations for treatment. At the end of the first session, the therapist shares their initial impressions and any connections or patterns they notice and what they think needs to be put into place to work towards the goals. Using a CBT model, subsequent sessions would involve getting to know the client more and understanding how the anxiety manifests for the client throughout the day. The therapist would want to understand what thoughts and beliefs the client has about themselves and their work.

While all of this data is gathered and processed, the therapist would also likely give the client some homework to focus on outside of sessions. The goal of therapy is not to continue forever; by giving a client things to work on outside of sessions, the client is able to integrate this work more than just once a week in the therapy office. Homework assignments might be breathing techniques to try at work to decrease the symptoms of anxiety when the client starts to feel activated, or they might be a thought log to start challenging those fears and worries that pop up during the workday. With time and support, psychotherapy can help the client feel less overwhelmed by their workday and negative thoughts.

Cognitive behavioral therapy can be very effective when the therapist and client are working together towards that shared goal of the client having an empowered relationship with their thoughts, feelings and behaviors. Instead of going on autopilot and being a victim to negative thoughts and poor coping skills, a client can learn to have a different relationship to these parts of themselves and make positive changes. Therapy can be challenging at times, but a therapist at Tobin Counseling Group is invested in helping future clients feel better.

Is your calendar looking like a game of Tetris? Do you have a hard time recalling the last time you said “no” to something? Do you feel stressed, frustrated, and/or on edge? Are you thinking about all the things you should be doing instead of reading this blog post? If the answers to these questions are a resounding yes, then it may be time to admit you have overscheduled yourself. We live in a culture that values productivity and being active. However, the downside is that self-care and relaxation get pushed to the wayside. So for your sake, let’s figure out a way to have a more balanced lifestyle.

“No” is not part of my vocabulary
Take a hard look at that calendar of yours to determine the root cause of your hectic schedule. Oftentimes we really struggle with saying “no.” Feelings of guilt can manipulate us and force our hand to say “yes” when saying “no” is actually a healthier choice. As a parent during the holidays, it can become overwhelming if you feel like you have to attend all the holiday parties, follow through with every tradition, and make every celebration super special. Have you had one of those moments when you have tried so hard to make everything Pinterest-y and perfect and meanwhile, it feels like all the fun has disappeared and your family is hating this? Have you ever planned a huge bachelorette party for your friend and spent your entire time coming up with all the perfect details only to realize you are utterly stressed and over budget? When you are so far into planning, it can be a logistical nightmare to either reel something in or scale down. It can feel like “no” is not an option when it comes to taking on more. But in hindsight, you feel like you should have never said “yes.” Obviously being proactive is always better than being reactive. Before you bite off more than you can chew, take a realistic look at your current activities, responsibilities, etc. Can you take on this project without combusting? Often we convince ourselves that tasks are things we have to do when in reality, it is more like something we want to do or think we should do. But “shoulding on yourself” will get you nowhere fast. No one wants you to fail or cancel last minute because you overpromised and are now under-delivering. So be honest with yourself and others and try saying “no” every once and awhile. Saying “no” when you really can’t commit to something really doesn’t mean whatever your fear is…that people will be mad at you, stop asking you to do things, or judge you. Saying “no” to this one thing doesn’t mean saying “no” to everything. Look at how many people say no to you or around you? They often get passes. Give yourself one! Now let’s say your calendar is already resembling a run-away train; this is when you need to own up to the problem and ask for help or delegate. Most things take a village so lean a bit on your village. It’ll be okay.

This is just who I am
It can feel good to be a “yes man,” the person who is reliable, available, and responsible. Maybe you are that person to your family and friends. So in a lot of ways, you get something out of having that role. It makes you feel good to be wanted and needed. You might like being in charge and having control. It may feel more comfortable to just take things on yourself versus sharing responsibilities. Have group projects always broken down to just you doing the work regardless of the size of your established group? Maybe you grew up with parents who modeled a busy lifestyle and encouraged you to be a go-getter. Or conversely, maybe your parents shrugged off responsibilities and that caused a lot of chaos growing up and therefore you have grown to do the opposite. Group dynamics can reinforce whatever role we have established for ourselves. And our self-concept and how we see ourselves can dictate our behaviors. So there is a lot of pull to keep the homeostasis of being overscheduled and overwhelmed going. However, we are dynamic creatures and there is more to you than just being too busy. You have needs/wants and other parts of yourself that are important. So do yourself a favor and start to try asking others for help or sharing the load a bit. You aren’t going to become a different person, nor should you, but a more balanced you means being on the receiving end at times versus always being a giver. Ideally, you get a little and give a little. Show yourself you can still get all that positive reinforcement of being who you are while on occasion, slowing things down.

Pretty sure I am allergic to relaxation
When is the last time that you went on vacation and unplugged and really disconnected? Can’t remember? Never? You are probably uncomfortable or even unfamiliar with slowing down and taking care of yourself. But you are going to need to get yourself acquainted with the idea of self-care if you would like to continue to live in a productive state. Machines don’t run forever; they often need maintenance. You do, too! Maybe you aren’t going to jump on the mindfulness bandwagon and start doing yoga and meditation. That’s okay (although keep in mind all of those things have significant mind/body health benefits) but figure out what works for you. What feels restorative and relaxing for you? When and where are you able to tell yourself that it is okay for you to just “be” versus “do”? If you can pinpoint that or at least try on some options, self-care is going to start to feel less like a foreign concept or something you don’t have time for and more like a need. Earlier, I talked about the dynamics around you may be reinforcing this way of being. So whether it is you who has an aversion to you slowing down or it is the people around you who prevent you from doing that, you need to start communicating with your team to give you some relaxation time as well as remind you (kindly) to do it as well. You may need to find a relaxation buddy who will remind you and keep you accountable to squeeze this super important thing like a yoga class or a walk with a friend into your busy schedule. Whatever you need to do to make it stick, do it.

You really are valuable in both your most productive moments and in those moments when you merely exist. Try to remind yourself of that. Change takes some time and there can be push back to change internally and from others. But the toll that overscheduling yourself is taking on you and your relationships is not worth it. So find some time to breathe deeply and take it all in instead of having such a laser focus on the task at hand. Find some perspective. And start moving things around on that calendar so that “me time” is Is your calendar looking like a game of Tetris? Do you have a hard time recalling the last time you said “no” to something? Do you feel stressed, frustrated, and/or on edge? Are you thinking about all the things you should be doing instead of reading this blog post? If the answers to these questions are a resounding yes, then it may be time to admit you have overscheduled yourself. We live in a culture that values productivity and being active. However, the downside is that self-care and relaxation get pushed to the wayside. So for your sake, let’s figure out a way to have a more balanced lifestyle.

“No” is not part of my vocabulary
Take a hard look at that calendar of yours to determine the root cause of your hectic schedule. Oftentimes we really struggle with saying “no.” Feelings of guilt can manipulate us and force our hand to say “yes” when saying “no” is actually a healthier choice. As a parent during the holidays, it can become overwhelming if you feel like you have to attend all the holiday parties, follow through with every tradition, and make every celebration super special. Have you had one of those moments when you have tried so hard to make everything Pinterest-y and perfect and meanwhile, it feels like all the fun has disappeared and your family is hating this? Have you ever planned a huge bachelorette party for your friend and spent your entire time coming up with all the perfect details only to realize you are utterly stressed and over budget? When you are so far into planning, it can be a logistical nightmare to either reel something in or scale down. It can feel like “no” is not an option when it comes to taking on more. But in hindsight, you feel like you should have never said “yes.” Obviously being proactive is always better than being reactive. Before you bite off more than you can chew, take a realistic look at your current activities, responsibilities, etc. Can you take on this project without combusting? Often we convince ourselves that tasks are things we have to do when in reality, it is more like something we want to do or think we should do. But “shoulding on yourself” will get you nowhere fast. No one wants you to fail or cancel last minute because you overpromised and are now under-delivering. So be honest with yourself and others and try saying “no” every once and awhile. Saying “no” when you really can’t commit to something really doesn’t mean whatever your fear is…that people will be mad at you, stop asking you to do things, or judge you. Saying “no” to this one thing doesn’t mean saying “no” to everything. Look at how many people say no to you or around you? They often get passes. Give yourself one! Now let’s say your calendar is already resembling a run-away train; this is when you need to own up to the problem and ask for help or delegate. Most things take a village so lean a bit on your village. It’ll be okay.

This is just who I am
It can feel good to be a “yes man,” the person who is reliable, available, and responsible. Maybe you are that person to your family and friends. So in a lot of ways, you get something out of having that role. It makes you feel good to be wanted and needed. You might like being in charge and having control. It may feel more comfortable to just take things on yourself versus sharing responsibilities. Have group projects always broken down to just you doing the work regardless of the size of your established group? Maybe you grew up with parents who modeled a busy lifestyle and encouraged you to be a go-getter. Or conversely, maybe your parents shrugged off responsibilities and that caused a lot of chaos growing up and therefore you have grown to do the opposite. Group dynamics can reinforce whatever role we have established for ourselves. And our self-concept and how we see ourselves can dictate our behaviors. So there is a lot of pull to keep the homeostasis of being overscheduled and overwhelmed going. However, we are dynamic creatures and there is more to you than just being too busy. You have needs/wants and other parts of yourself that are important. So do yourself a favor and start to try asking others for help or sharing the load a bit. You aren’t going to become a different person, nor should you, but a more balanced you means being on the receiving end at times versus always being a giver. Ideally, you get a little and give a little. Show yourself you can still get all that positive reinforcement of being who you are while on occasion, slowing things down.

Pretty sure I am allergic to relaxation
When is the last time that you went on vacation and unplugged and really disconnected? Can’t remember? Never? You are probably uncomfortable or even unfamiliar with slowing down and taking care of yourself. But you are going to need to get yourself acquainted with the idea of self-care if you would like to continue to live in a productive state. Machines don’t run forever; they often need maintenance. You do, too! Maybe you aren’t going to jump on the mindfulness bandwagon and start doing yoga and meditation. That’s okay (although keep in mind all of those things have significant mind/body health benefits) but figure out what works for you. What feels restorative and relaxing for you? When and where are you able to tell yourself that it is okay for you to just “be” versus “do”? If you can pinpoint that or at least try on some options, self-care is going to start to feel less like a foreign concept or something you don’t have time for and more like a need. Earlier, I talked about the dynamics around you may be reinforcing this way of being. So whether it is you who has an aversion to you slowing down or it is the people around you who prevent you from doing that, you need to start communicating with your team to give you some relaxation time as well as remind you (kindly) to do it as well. You may need to find a relaxation buddy who will remind you and keep you accountable to squeeze this super important thing like a yoga class or a walk with a friend into your busy schedule. Whatever you need to do to make it stick, do it.

You really are valuable in both your most productive moments and in those moments when you merely exist. Try to remind yourself of that. Change takes some time and there can be push back to change internally and from others. But the toll that overscheduling yourself is taking on you and your relationships is not worth it. So find some time to breathe deeply and take it all in instead of having such a laser focus on the task at hand. Find some perspective. And start moving things around on that calendar so that “me time” is a regular date that you keep!

The chase begins. Intrigue. Uncertainty. Excitement. So many firsts come with getting to know each other. There’s risk and then the huge pay off of falling for someone as they fall in love with you. Ah, love. And then months and years go by. And that fire may become less of a spark and more of a slow burn or, in some cases, just a measly flicker. Sometimes long-term relationships start to feel more like unfriendly roommates than passionate lovers. We live in a time when it is easier to break-up or get divorced than it is to stay together. Being in a long-term monogamous relationship takes significant work. And this effort is markedly different than the preparation for a first date. The keys to making love last are more about communication, trust, and intimacy.

BUILD YOUR FIRE: CHANGE THINGS UP TO COMMUNICATE

If you haven’t watched the movie Up, you should. Wrapped up in a lighthearted Pixar cartoon adventure, the film demonstrates some of what goes on over the course of a long-term relationship. In a sweet, family-friendly way, the opening montage captures the ups and downs of a couple meeting each other, falling in love, marriage, sickness, and the eventual loss of a spouse. In real life, the struggle to actually stay together is a little more complicated than what is depicted in this children’s movie. However, what you can see from a few moments of a dialogue-free montage is that communication is key. The non-verbal communication between two cartoon characters exemplifies what can really happen—assumptions, miscommunication, frustration, and if we are lucky, just something to chuckle about later. But that’s the Disney version. In real life, when couples stop communicating, it often sends them down a rabbit hole of painful issues.

So if you haven’t had a deep conversation with your partner in a while or you are barely on speaking terms at this point, try to change it up. It may feel awkward at first; you may have to schedule time to talk, but put in some effort to increase the dialogue at home. Start with the easy questions: How was your day? Do you want to watch Veep together? Did you hear about [insert current event here]? Once you start acknowledging each other, you can dig a little deeper and eventually talk about the deeper stuff: Where is this relationship going? Are you happy? Should we have another child? But start with the basics and if you ask a question, actually listen to the answer. There is the old adage that we have two ears and one mouth because we need to listen twice as much as we speak. Maybe even ask a follow up question. Try to maintain eye contact and pay attention to body language and facial expressions. Hopefully your partner will also return the questions, ask for your take, and—voila!—communication starts to happen.

Of course, not everything is basic, mundane, non-emotionally charged discourse; stuff happens and we get upset. And we need to tell someone about being upset. Let’s say you worked all day and came home and your husband did not do the dishes or put the kids to bed and instead is engrossed in the Cubs game. You are pissed. Enter good communication, because here’s the thing: You can demonstrate how you feel (yell, curse, throw something) or you can communicate how you feel (“Hey Babe, how are the Cubbies doing? Oh good. Since they are ahead, could you please help me with XYZ; I’d really appreciate it! I’m feeling stressed about it.”). Demonstrating how upset you are may feel great in the short term but it has long-term consequences and probably will not convince your husband to start to help. If you want communication to improve, you may need to lead by example rather than waiting for something miraculous to happen. There has to be space to voice when you are not happy. But if you can approach it from a problem-solving perspective, it can be productive. Equally important is to notice what is going well and talk about that. Acknowledge and validate your partner and you will get the same in return.

Good communication happens when we are ready to have it. Surprises can happen, but in general a few factors need to be in place for a message to be conveyed and received. You can’t just throw a good meal together; you need some prep, the right ingredients, etc. Communication is similar. It may seem like a great idea to bring up something that is nagging at you late at night, like when your partner is just about to fall sound asleep: “Psst. Hey, Honey. Are you awake? I really want to talk about our finances.” Bad idea. Or when rushing to get out the door in the morning—not the time to broach the subject of a career change. You can’t avoid a discussion because you are waiting for the perfect time, but try your best to set aside time to talk when you can both be present and receptive (i.e., awake). Maybe that time is before bed once the kids are asleep and the Cubs game is over; maybe it’s during the commute together. Once you are able to get into the habit of carving out some time to communicate, a great thing to incorporate is a weekly check-in. It may sound awkward at first, but it can be immensely helpful to sit down once a week, look at each other, and take turns saying what went well for you, what you have struggled with/continue to struggle with, and what you appreciate that your partner did this week. You may be surprised what your partner says and the two of you will learn more about each other. And feel connected. And appreciated. And that’s ideal communication.

ADD KINDLING TO SUPPORT THE FLAMES: TRUST EACH OTHER

If communication is going well, trust will follow. Perhaps things have happened in the past and trust has been shaken or shattered. It is important to get some help with those ruptures. Couples therapy and/or individual therapy can be a huge asset in addressing trust issues. Oftentimes we can get so stuck with our feelings of hurt and betrayal that we can’t hear or understand our partners. Getting perspective from a non-judgmental third party like a trained mental health professional can be a huge benefit. If a couple can communicate where they are and what they are doing, trust can really build. There are no assumptions to make or secrets to have if you really know your partner and establish and continue to voice and agree on expectations for your relationship. Shared expectations are really important in a good, healthy relationship.

As counterintuitive as it may sound, time apart is integral to a positive partnership. Quality time is huge, as is communication, but we can’t expect our partners to satisfy every single need. Social media is rife with posts of engagement photos with captions like, “I can’t wait to marry my best friend.” Don’t get me wrong: Our partners often are or become our best friends. But we also need other friends, activity partners, coworkers, neighbors, and acquaintances. It takes a village to keep us all sane and we cannot put pressure on each other to do and be everything for each other. Being life partners is a tall enough order. Make each other a priority, but make sure there is more to each of your lives than just your partnership. And then keep communicating because as we are engaging in other parts of our lives, we need to be able to trust each other.

KEEP THE SPARK BURNING: MAKE TIME FOR INTIMACY

So now you are chatting it up all the time and have a strong foundation of trust—your relationship is sounding pretty great! Back to the spark I was talking about in the beginning: intimacy. From Disney-ready pecks on the cheek to passionate sex, intimacy can really cover the whole spectrum of passion. And like all the aspects of a relationship, intimacy takes work and effort. Start by scheduling date nights, which will get you both in the mindset of having quality time together. Take time to relax and enjoy your time together. Do not have the expectation of mind-blowing sex; just try to feel connected to one another while your clothes are on. Reminisce about those earlier days and recall what has been good between the two of you. This is where you can dig up some of those feelings of passion. Start to see intimacy as a way to feel connected to your partner. It does not need to be perfect or knock your socks off—it’s about spending time together and demonstrating positive feelings towards each other. The more you make time for it and are intentional about intimacy, the more that intimacy will naturally grow.

Maybe there was that point in your life years ago when you were just consumed with the idea of being in a relationship and meeting someone. And then you did, and it was fiery and passionate and wonderful. You probably didn’t consider how much work goes into keeping that relationship going once you’ve found it. But by putting in effort to talk, trust, and love each other, relationships can be meaningful and long-lasting. And to have a partner to share in all of life’s adventures, well, that’s totally worth it.

When we love someone—whether it's a close friend, spouse, sibling, parent, or child—we naturally want to see them thriving and living their best life. But when they’re struggling, especially with something as challenging as depression, it’s common to feel unsure and even helpless about how to offer the support they truly need. Understanding how to help while also maintaining healthy boundaries can make all the difference in both their well-being and your own.

Knowing the Difference Between Sadness and Depression
While it’s not your responsibility to diagnose a loved one with depression, it’s important to be aware of the difference between typical sadness and depression. Sadness is often a temporary reaction to life events and situations, but depression is more persistent and can affect a person’s ability to function day-to-day. If your loved one seems consistently low over a period of several weeks or months, withdrawing from activities they once enjoyed, or showing changes in sleep, appetite, or energy levels, they may be struggling with depression. As fall sets in and winter approaches, it’s also important to recognize that Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is a form of depression that can affect many people during these colder, darker months. The shorter days and reduced sunlight can trigger these shifts, making it essential to be aware of this seasonal pattern and to consider ways to support your loved one who might be experiencing it.

Understanding Your Role
It’s essential to understand the difference between being responsible for someone’s mental health versus being supportive of someone’s mental health. When we feel responsible for a loved one’s emotions—like their depression—it can lead to unhealthy dynamics, guilt, frustration and burnout. We might try to “fix” their feelings, believing their emotional state is our burden to carry. On the other hand, being supportive means offering empathy, encouragement, and a listening ear, while recognizing that we can’t control or solve what they’re going through. Knowing this distinction is important because it empowers us to maintain our boundaries, care for ourselves, and avoid emotional exhaustion, while still showing up as a compassionate presence for our loved one in need.

Support Comes In Many Forms
Support for someone with depression can look different depending on the person and their unique needs at any given time. For one person, support might simply mean being a listening ear, giving them space to talk through their feelings without trying to problem-solve, offer solutions or “fix” them. For another, it might look like offering a distraction—sharing a laugh, watching a movie, or doing something fun together to lighten their mood. Yet for someone else, practical help like taking on a chore or running an errand could be the most meaningful form of support, easing their burden when daily tasks feel overwhelming. It’s important to recognize that support isn’t one-size-fits-all, and the type of support needed can vary day-to-day for someone suffering from depression.

It may be helpful to gently ask your loved one what kind of support would be most meaningful to them. If they’re unsure, you can offer a few options, like being available to listen, helping with daily tasks, or spending time together in a way that feels comfortable. Showing flexibility and understanding can open the door for them to express their needs. However, if they don’t know what kind of support they need, don’t underestimate the power of simply being present. Sometimes, just showing up and offering any kind of help—whether emotional or practical—can speak volumes, even if they can’t articulate what they need in the moment.

Helping Yourself Helps Others
When a loved one is suffering from depression, it’s easy to pour all your energy into supporting them, but it’s just as important to take care of yourself. Self-care is not selfish—it’s essential for maintaining your own emotional and mental health, which ultimately makes you a stronger support system. Self-care can include setting aside time to recharge, like going for a walk, spending time with friends, or engaging in a favorite hobby. Incorporating mindfulness can help too; for example, when you start feeling overwhelmed, pause and take a few deep breaths to ground yourself in the present moment. Reframing thoughts can also be powerful—you can remind yourself that while you care deeply for your loved one, it’s okay to acknowledge that you can’t fix everything. Simple acts, like journaling your emotions or taking breaks to focus on your own needs, are critical. These practices allow you to maintain balance, ensuring that you’re not only there for your loved one but also for yourself.

Support isn’t Singular
No matter how helpful your support is to your loved one, support is more effective when it comes from multiple sources. It’s crucial to recognize that they may need more support than you alone can provide, especially in cases of severe depression. Managing depression often requires a network of care that includes one’s friends, family, therapists and community resources. Community resources can include mental health clinics, support groups, crisis hotlines, community centers, religious organizations, nonprofit organizations and exercise and recreation programs. Many employers offer Workplace Employee Assistance Programs (EAPs) that provide confidential counseling and support services for employees dealing with personal challenges. It’s important to have crisis information available in case your loved one begins to express feelings of hopelessness, such as talking about not wanting to live.

It’s okay to encourage your loved one to reach out to additional sources of care, as healing often comes from a combination of professional, social, and personal support systems. Encouraging a loved one to seek additional forms of support, such as a community resource, can be a delicate process, however. Start by opening the conversation about their feelings and normalizing the idea of seeking help, emphasizing that it’s a brave step many take. Offer to research resources together, suggesting a trial run to reduce pressure. Let them know you’re there to support them—whether that means accompanying them to their first appointment or sharing success stories from others. Encourage small steps and check in on their feelings, but ultimately, respect their pace and decision-making process as they navigate their journey.

Help is Available
Supporting a loved one through depression can feel overwhelming, but remember that you don’t have to navigate this journey alone. If you or your loved one is ready to take the next step—whether that means seeking guidance on how to provide support or pursuing professional help—reaching out to me can be a valuable resource. I'm here to help you both find the support you need to foster healing and growth together.

Ever wondered how to navigate life after a breakup? Breaking up is never easy. It can leave us feeling lost amidst a torrent of emotions, unsure of the next steps to take. Whether you're going through a recent breakup or still healing from past heartaches, navigating the aftermath requires patience, self-care, and a thoughtful approach. In this blog post, we'll explore practical tips and heartfelt advice to help you navigate the emotional journey of healing.

Acknowledge Your Feelings
The first step in healing from a breakup is identifying and acknowledging your feelings. It’s okay to feel sad, angry, lonely, anxious or even relieved. It’s perfectly natural to feel many emotions at the same time or to feel differently from one day to the next. Give yourself permission to experience your emotions as they are and without judgment.

Let it Out
Beyond acknowledgment, feelings need a safe place to be processed, felt and expressed. Suppressing your feelings can prolong the healing process and hinder your ability to move forward. After identifying your feelings, you’ll want to channel them into healthy forms of expression. Consider physical releases such as exercise, crying or screaming into a pillow or creative outlets such as painting, drawing, writing or playing music. Experiment to see what most resonates with you.

Take Time to Grieve
There might not have been a death, but there most definitely was a loss. Not only is it quite common to experience grief as a result of a breakup, grieving the end of a relationship is actually a necessary part of healing. Allow yourself space and time to grieve the loss of the relationship, the future you envisioned, and the emotional investment you made. Grief may come in waves, and it's important to honor each wave as it comes. Spending some time in thoughtful self-reflection can help in processing and understanding the dynamics of your past relationship and learning from the experience. Take time to reflect on what worked well, what didn't, and what you can take away from the relationship. Use this insight to gain clarity about your own needs, values, and desires in future relationships.

Set Boundaries
During this vulnerable time, it's important to set boundaries that protect your emotional well-being and to create space for healing. This may involve limiting contact with your ex-partner, avoiding places or activities that trigger painful memories, and asserting your needs in relationships with others. Maintaining the boundaries you've set for yourself can become challenging, especially when emotions are raw and memories are still fresh. It's natural to feel tempted to reach out or revisit familiar places and habits associated with the relationship. However, sticking to your boundaries is crucial for your emotional well-being and healing process. Recognize that wavering in boundaries doesn't mean failure; it’s a reminder of your humanity and the depth of your emotions. During these moments, it's helpful to reaffirm your reasons for setting boundaries, seek support from trusted friends or a therapist, and engage in self-care activities that reinforce your commitment to personal growth and healing. Remember, honoring your boundaries is an act of self-respect and an essential step toward reclaiming your sense of autonomy and strength.

Reconnect with Yourself
Transitioning from a shared life to a personal journey can be a profound opportunity of self-discovery. It’s a time to reconnect with your individual identity, separate from the relationship dynamics. Embrace this opportunity to delve into your passions, interests, and personal goals that may have been overshadowed. Consider exploring new hobbies or revisiting old ones to rediscover what makes you feel alive. Take time to reflect on your values, aspirations, and priorities. Embrace this period of introspection as a transformative opportunity to cultivate a stronger, more authentic relationship with yourself.

Focus on The Present
After a breakup, it’s natural to find your mind wandering back to memories of the past or worrying about the uncertain future. Finding balance between reflecting on the past and living in the present can help you heal more completely. Practicing mindfulness involves staying present and fully engaging with the current moment without judgment. This can be as simple as noticing the sensation of your breath entering and leaving your body, the sounds around you or the feeling of your feet on the ground. It can also include engaging in mindful activities that demand your full attention, such as cooking a meal, gardening, painting or practicing yoga. These activities can provide a break from overthinking and allow you to experience the present more fully.

Be Kind to Yourself
Treating yourself with kindness and engaging in practices of self-care is essential during the healing process. Focus on nurturing yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally. Take part in activities that bring you joy and relaxation, prioritize sleep and healthy eating, and surround yourself with supportive friends and family. Taking care of yourself allows you to rebuild your strength and resilience. Remember that healing from a breakup is a gradual process that unfolds at its own pace. Be patient with yourself and honor your progress, no matter how small. Allow yourself the grace to heal fully and to move forward in your own time. Trust that with each passing day, you are closer to a place of healing and renewal.

Lean on Support
In the aftermath of a breakup, leaning on support is not just beneficial—it's essential. Whether it's friends, family, a support group or a therapist, having a support system provides a vital outlet for expressing your emotions and gaining perspective. These individuals offer comfort, empathy, and a listening ear when you need it most. By allowing yourself to lean on support, you not only lighten the emotional burden but also open yourself to healing and growth in ways you may not achieve on your own. Embrace the strength of your connections and allow them to guide you through this challenging but transformative journey.

As you move forward from this chapter, let each step you take towards healing be a testament to your courage and the promise of a hopeful tomorrow. You don’t have to take these steps of healing from a breakup alone. Reach out to Tobin Counseling Group to schedule a free consultation. We are here to help you navigate the complexities of healing after your breakup.

The winter months can bring challenges that can be hard to navigate with the shorter days, the pressure of the holidays and the general heaviness that can come with this time of year.

The Effects the Winter Season Can Have on Our Well-Being
During the winter months, it’s common to experience feelings of loneliness, sadness and a specific type of depression, known as Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). SAD shows up when there is less exposure to natural sunlight, which disrupts the body’s circadian rhythm, lowers serotonin levels and melatonin production. This can cause disruptions in mood, sleep patterns and other related symptoms.

Experiencing loneliness during this time of year is also quite common. Loneliness is the feeling of being disconnected from yourself and/or others and is often accompanied by a sense of sadness or isolation. With colder weather, people tend to stay inside more, which can mean fewer opportunities for social interaction. For those who are grieving or don’t have close relationships, the holidays can be especially tough. The focus on family during this time can really highlight what might feel absent—whether that’s a romantic relationship, children, or loved ones who have been lost. It can also stir up feelings for those navigating estranged or difficult relationships. All of this takes a toll on our mind, body and emotions.

How Seasonal Affective Disorder and Loneliness Show Up in the Body
Most of us are relatively aware of the emotional, mental and behavioral effects of loneliness and depression, such as low mood, feelings of worthlessness or guilt, loss of interest in activities we once enjoyed, trouble concentrating and withdrawing socially. But one aspect that can be easily overlooked are the physical symptoms that accompany these emotional states. The problem with only addressing the emotional, mental and behavioral symptoms at the exclusion of physical symptoms is that it doesn’t adequately address the experience holistically, and as a result not as effectively. A good place to start is by linking emotional states to physical sensations in the body.

For example, if sadness were a place in your body, where would it be? How about loneliness or depression?

• Would it be the lump in your throat?
• Or in your chest that feels so heavy?
• In the pit of your stomach?
• Or how about your entire body, from head to toe?

Physiological symptoms of SAD and loneliness can show up in unique ways such as physical exhaustion and fatigue, sleep disturbances, appetite changes, weakened immune system, increased heart rate and various aches and pains. Your body can provide physiological cues to prompt you to pay attention, helping you to recognize your needs and take care of yourself by responding accordingly.

Listening to the Messages Your Body is Giving You
Words are not always needed for communication to occur. For example, our bodies can communicate with us through the physiological sensations and symptoms we experience. For example, if we feel parched and lightheaded, those uncomfortable sensations can be a way that our body might be telling us, “I’m dried out! Your energy, focus and mind depend on me. Please drink something hydrating soon!” Or if we’ve gone multiple days with poor sleep because we’ve stayed up late, resulting in feeling sluggish and fatigued throughout the day, our body might beg us, “please go to sleep earlier tonight, I need sleep to function at my best!”

The good news is that there are practical ways to respond to our body’s messages when we experience SAD or loneliness. Below are some examples of what your body might be communicating and ways you can effectively respond.

• “Don’t keep me in the dark all day!”

Light exposure is crucial for regulating mood and sleep cycles. Try to get at least 20-30 minutes of natural sunlight each day, especially in the morning. Because sunlight is limited during this time of year, consider purchasing a light therapy lamp, which is designed to mimic natural sunlight.

• “I need to move to feel good!”

Regular exercise can reduce fatigue, increase energy, and improve sleep quality.  Activities like walking, stretching, yoga, dancing or cycling can release endorphins and help improve mood. Even 10-15 minutes a day is a great start and can make a noticeable difference over time.

• “Let me wind down—I just need some sleep.”

Poor sleep can worsen symptoms of depression and loneliness, and if you’re not getting enough sleep, it can make everything harder. Set up a nighttime routine that promotes relaxation and a consistent sleep schedule to ensure you’re getting enough hours of sleep. Since blue light from screens can interfere with sleep, limit screen time before bed and create a calming environment to help with the winding-down process. Consider dimming lights, lighting candles, taking a bath, reading, listening to calming music or using techniques like deep breathing or meditation to help you relax and unwind.

• “Hydrate and nourish me.”

Though it can be challenging during the holidays, try your best to maintain a healthy, balanced diet that includes mood-stabilizing foods, like whole grains, lean protein, and fruits and vegetables. It’s a good idea to eat at regular intervals throughout the day to keep your energy levels up. Dehydration can contribute to feelings of lethargy, irritability, and brain fog, so aim to drink enough water throughout the day to stay hydrated and energized.

• “Help me relax.”

Mindfulness practices can help you stay grounded and reduce physical symptoms like tension, anxiety, and fatigue. Simple techniques, such as breathing exercises or guided meditation, can promote relaxation and help manage stress and physical tension in the body. You can download apps like Calm or Headspace for guided meditations, or you can search YouTube for free meditation videos.

• “Give me something fun to do!”

Having creative outlets and engaging in activities you enjoy, such as painting, writing, crafting, or playing a musical instrument, can be a great way to help release pent-up emotions and reduce physical symptoms related to stress.

• “I could use some expert advice.”

Consulting with a healthcare provider can be helpful to explore treatment options, such as supplements, lifestyle changes or medication. Healthcare providers can guide you to take the best course of action to address any underlying causes or symptoms.

Help is Available
Coping with the unique challenges that this time of year can bring can be overwhelming, but you don’t have to navigate this season alone. At Tobin Counseling Group, we’re here to help you find the support you need to take care of your mind, body, and soul. You don’t have to face this season—or any season—alone. Taking that first step toward reaching out for support can bring a sense of hope, relief, and feeling a bit more at ease. And it may just be your body’s way of saying, “thank you.”