Humans are creatures of habit. We like to go to the same coffee shop and order the same drink from the same barista every day before work. We have our routines and we stick to them. This can be a healthy way of functioning, but this habitual nature can also lead to great difficulty when adjusting to change. It can also keep people from initiating change in their lives, whether that is finding a new job, moving to a new city, or starting a new degree program. Change can leave people feeling uncertain and anxious because it is different from what we know, and it can feel risky to alter that comfortable routine.

So, what holds us back from making big life change? Most would answer “fear”. You wouldn’t be wrong. Fear certainly holds us back from many opportunities for growth in life. However, there is something even deeper than fear that inhibits us from leaning in to change, and that is confidence. One’s own belief in themselves and their capabilities is the underlying cause of resistance to change. The more self-confidence you have, the more capable you feel you are of being successful. The less self-confidence you have, the more likely you are to believe you will fail and the more resistant to change you will become.

It really is ok to fail. Sometimes we have to take the leap and prove to ourselves that we really are capable of adjusting to change. Individuals that thrive when change occurs are confident because they have faced change before head-on and have failed. Ironically, failure and the overcoming of failure lead to greater self-confidence. When we test ourselves physically, mentally, spiritually, etc., we realize we can push beyond the boundaries we set for ourselves. When we test ourselves we learn that we are so much more capable than we thought we were. When we fail, we are forced to adjust, to learn more about ourselves, and to try again.

Perhaps someone is not ready to jump right in to change, and that is okay. There are other ways to boost self-confidence before taking the action. It is important to note, the more these interventions are practiced, the greater the impact they will have on self-confidence.

Self-talk is everything. What you say to yourself daily influences how you feel about yourself and how you treat yourself. Negative self-talk certainly outweighs positive self-talk in individuals lacking self-confidence. Replacing negative self-talk with positive self-talk can be a process and take time. The first step is to recognize your negative self-talk and become aware of it. The next step is to replace the negative with a positive in the moment.

Reflect back on accomplishments. We truly do not give ourselves enough credit for what we have accomplished in our lifetime. Take some time to write a list of successes and try to remember what those accomplishments meant to you at that time. Reflecting back on times you overcame adversity, won an award, or completed a difficult task at work allows you to recognize your capabilities and can boost self-confidence greatly.

Do something different. Remember that monotonous daily routine you have? Try to mix it up a little by implementing one small thing into your day or week. This could be trying a new place to eat, saying hi to a stranger, switching up that shade of lipstick, or reading at night instead of watching T.V. Implementing one small thing can ease you into change, add more variety, and increase positive feelings. Once you see small change is not so bad, big change may not seem so scary.

Affirmations are a must. Affirmations are positive statements we recite to ourselves daily. Affirmations have been shown to increase happiness, but they are also a great way to increase self-confidence. An affirmation for self-confidence would look something like “I am capable of handling anything that comes my way” or “I have what it takes to be successful in life”. Although you may not believe it right away when saying it, through daily repetition your brain will come to accept these statements and believe them to be true.

It is normal to feel hesitant when facing a big life change and having fear of the unknown is very common, but becoming resistant to change can be maladaptive to our health. Building upon self-confidence in order to feel capable of navigating change is key to ultimately becoming successful after the change has occurred. Building self-confidence is also the key to getting out of your comfort zone and exploring the variety of options that life has to offer. You might just surprise yourself and find that the change you were scared to make, is actually the change you needed!

Ever wondered how to navigate life after a breakup? Breaking up is never easy. It can leave us feeling lost amidst a torrent of emotions, unsure of the next steps to take. Whether you're going through a recent breakup or still healing from past heartaches, navigating the aftermath requires patience, self-care, and a thoughtful approach. In this blog post, we'll explore practical tips and heartfelt advice to help you navigate the emotional journey of healing.

Acknowledge Your Feelings
The first step in healing from a breakup is identifying and acknowledging your feelings. It’s okay to feel sad, angry, lonely, anxious or even relieved. It’s perfectly natural to feel many emotions at the same time or to feel differently from one day to the next. Give yourself permission to experience your emotions as they are and without judgment.

Let it Out
Beyond acknowledgment, feelings need a safe place to be processed, felt and expressed. Suppressing your feelings can prolong the healing process and hinder your ability to move forward. After identifying your feelings, you’ll want to channel them into healthy forms of expression. Consider physical releases such as exercise, crying or screaming into a pillow or creative outlets such as painting, drawing, writing or playing music. Experiment to see what most resonates with you.

Take Time to Grieve
There might not have been a death, but there most definitely was a loss. Not only is it quite common to experience grief as a result of a breakup, grieving the end of a relationship is actually a necessary part of healing. Allow yourself space and time to grieve the loss of the relationship, the future you envisioned, and the emotional investment you made. Grief may come in waves, and it's important to honor each wave as it comes. Spending some time in thoughtful self-reflection can help in processing and understanding the dynamics of your past relationship and learning from the experience. Take time to reflect on what worked well, what didn't, and what you can take away from the relationship. Use this insight to gain clarity about your own needs, values, and desires in future relationships.

Set Boundaries
During this vulnerable time, it's important to set boundaries that protect your emotional well-being and to create space for healing. This may involve limiting contact with your ex-partner, avoiding places or activities that trigger painful memories, and asserting your needs in relationships with others. Maintaining the boundaries you've set for yourself can become challenging, especially when emotions are raw and memories are still fresh. It's natural to feel tempted to reach out or revisit familiar places and habits associated with the relationship. However, sticking to your boundaries is crucial for your emotional well-being and healing process. Recognize that wavering in boundaries doesn't mean failure; it’s a reminder of your humanity and the depth of your emotions. During these moments, it's helpful to reaffirm your reasons for setting boundaries, seek support from trusted friends or a therapist, and engage in self-care activities that reinforce your commitment to personal growth and healing. Remember, honoring your boundaries is an act of self-respect and an essential step toward reclaiming your sense of autonomy and strength.

Reconnect with Yourself
Transitioning from a shared life to a personal journey can be a profound opportunity of self-discovery. It’s a time to reconnect with your individual identity, separate from the relationship dynamics. Embrace this opportunity to delve into your passions, interests, and personal goals that may have been overshadowed. Consider exploring new hobbies or revisiting old ones to rediscover what makes you feel alive. Take time to reflect on your values, aspirations, and priorities. Embrace this period of introspection as a transformative opportunity to cultivate a stronger, more authentic relationship with yourself.

Focus on The Present
After a breakup, it’s natural to find your mind wandering back to memories of the past or worrying about the uncertain future. Finding balance between reflecting on the past and living in the present can help you heal more completely. Practicing mindfulness involves staying present and fully engaging with the current moment without judgment. This can be as simple as noticing the sensation of your breath entering and leaving your body, the sounds around you or the feeling of your feet on the ground. It can also include engaging in mindful activities that demand your full attention, such as cooking a meal, gardening, painting or practicing yoga. These activities can provide a break from overthinking and allow you to experience the present more fully.

Be Kind to Yourself
Treating yourself with kindness and engaging in practices of self-care is essential during the healing process. Focus on nurturing yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally. Take part in activities that bring you joy and relaxation, prioritize sleep and healthy eating, and surround yourself with supportive friends and family. Taking care of yourself allows you to rebuild your strength and resilience. Remember that healing from a breakup is a gradual process that unfolds at its own pace. Be patient with yourself and honor your progress, no matter how small. Allow yourself the grace to heal fully and to move forward in your own time. Trust that with each passing day, you are closer to a place of healing and renewal.

Lean on Support
In the aftermath of a breakup, leaning on support is not just beneficial—it's essential. Whether it's friends, family, a support group or a therapist, having a support system provides a vital outlet for expressing your emotions and gaining perspective. These individuals offer comfort, empathy, and a listening ear when you need it most. By allowing yourself to lean on support, you not only lighten the emotional burden but also open yourself to healing and growth in ways you may not achieve on your own. Embrace the strength of your connections and allow them to guide you through this challenging but transformative journey.

As you move forward from this chapter, let each step you take towards healing be a testament to your courage and the promise of a hopeful tomorrow. You don’t have to take these steps of healing from a breakup alone. Reach out to Tobin Counseling Group to schedule a free consultation. We are here to help you navigate the complexities of healing after your breakup.