Humans are creatures of habit. We like to go to the same coffee shop and order the same drink from the same barista every day before work. We have our routines and we stick to them. This can be a healthy way of functioning, but this habitual nature can also lead to great difficulty when adjusting to change. It can also keep people from initiating change in their lives, whether that is finding a new job, moving to a new city, or starting a new degree program. Change can leave people feeling uncertain and anxious because it is different from what we know, and it can feel risky to alter that comfortable routine.

So, what holds us back from making big life change? Most would answer “fear”. You wouldn’t be wrong. Fear certainly holds us back from many opportunities for growth in life. However, there is something even deeper than fear that inhibits us from leaning in to change, and that is confidence. One’s own belief in themselves and their capabilities is the underlying cause of resistance to change. The more self-confidence you have, the more capable you feel you are of being successful. The less self-confidence you have, the more likely you are to believe you will fail and the more resistant to change you will become.

It really is ok to fail. Sometimes we have to take the leap and prove to ourselves that we really are capable of adjusting to change. Individuals that thrive when change occurs are confident because they have faced change before head-on and have failed. Ironically, failure and the overcoming of failure lead to greater self-confidence. When we test ourselves physically, mentally, spiritually, etc., we realize we can push beyond the boundaries we set for ourselves. When we test ourselves we learn that we are so much more capable than we thought we were. When we fail, we are forced to adjust, to learn more about ourselves, and to try again.

Perhaps someone is not ready to jump right in to change, and that is okay. There are other ways to boost self-confidence before taking the action. It is important to note, the more these interventions are practiced, the greater the impact they will have on self-confidence.

Self-talk is everything. What you say to yourself daily influences how you feel about yourself and how you treat yourself. Negative self-talk certainly outweighs positive self-talk in individuals lacking self-confidence. Replacing negative self-talk with positive self-talk can be a process and take time. The first step is to recognize your negative self-talk and become aware of it. The next step is to replace the negative with a positive in the moment.

Reflect back on accomplishments. We truly do not give ourselves enough credit for what we have accomplished in our lifetime. Take some time to write a list of successes and try to remember what those accomplishments meant to you at that time. Reflecting back on times you overcame adversity, won an award, or completed a difficult task at work allows you to recognize your capabilities and can boost self-confidence greatly.

Do something different. Remember that monotonous daily routine you have? Try to mix it up a little by implementing one small thing into your day or week. This could be trying a new place to eat, saying hi to a stranger, switching up that shade of lipstick, or reading at night instead of watching T.V. Implementing one small thing can ease you into change, add more variety, and increase positive feelings. Once you see small change is not so bad, big change may not seem so scary.

Affirmations are a must. Affirmations are positive statements we recite to ourselves daily. Affirmations have been shown to increase happiness, but they are also a great way to increase self-confidence. An affirmation for self-confidence would look something like “I am capable of handling anything that comes my way” or “I have what it takes to be successful in life”. Although you may not believe it right away when saying it, through daily repetition your brain will come to accept these statements and believe them to be true.

It is normal to feel hesitant when facing a big life change and having fear of the unknown is very common, but becoming resistant to change can be maladaptive to our health. Building upon self-confidence in order to feel capable of navigating change is key to ultimately becoming successful after the change has occurred. Building self-confidence is also the key to getting out of your comfort zone and exploring the variety of options that life has to offer. You might just surprise yourself and find that the change you were scared to make, is actually the change you needed!

When we love someone—whether it's a close friend, spouse, sibling, parent, or child—we naturally want to see them thriving and living their best life. But when they’re struggling, especially with something as challenging as depression, it’s common to feel unsure and even helpless about how to offer the support they truly need. Understanding how to help while also maintaining healthy boundaries can make all the difference in both their well-being and your own.

Knowing the Difference Between Sadness and Depression
While it’s not your responsibility to diagnose a loved one with depression, it’s important to be aware of the difference between typical sadness and depression. Sadness is often a temporary reaction to life events and situations, but depression is more persistent and can affect a person’s ability to function day-to-day. If your loved one seems consistently low over a period of several weeks or months, withdrawing from activities they once enjoyed, or showing changes in sleep, appetite, or energy levels, they may be struggling with depression. As fall sets in and winter approaches, it’s also important to recognize that Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is a form of depression that can affect many people during these colder, darker months. The shorter days and reduced sunlight can trigger these shifts, making it essential to be aware of this seasonal pattern and to consider ways to support your loved one who might be experiencing it.

Understanding Your Role
It’s essential to understand the difference between being responsible for someone’s mental health versus being supportive of someone’s mental health. When we feel responsible for a loved one’s emotions—like their depression—it can lead to unhealthy dynamics, guilt, frustration and burnout. We might try to “fix” their feelings, believing their emotional state is our burden to carry. On the other hand, being supportive means offering empathy, encouragement, and a listening ear, while recognizing that we can’t control or solve what they’re going through. Knowing this distinction is important because it empowers us to maintain our boundaries, care for ourselves, and avoid emotional exhaustion, while still showing up as a compassionate presence for our loved one in need.

Support Comes In Many Forms
Support for someone with depression can look different depending on the person and their unique needs at any given time. For one person, support might simply mean being a listening ear, giving them space to talk through their feelings without trying to problem-solve, offer solutions or “fix” them. For another, it might look like offering a distraction—sharing a laugh, watching a movie, or doing something fun together to lighten their mood. Yet for someone else, practical help like taking on a chore or running an errand could be the most meaningful form of support, easing their burden when daily tasks feel overwhelming. It’s important to recognize that support isn’t one-size-fits-all, and the type of support needed can vary day-to-day for someone suffering from depression.

It may be helpful to gently ask your loved one what kind of support would be most meaningful to them. If they’re unsure, you can offer a few options, like being available to listen, helping with daily tasks, or spending time together in a way that feels comfortable. Showing flexibility and understanding can open the door for them to express their needs. However, if they don’t know what kind of support they need, don’t underestimate the power of simply being present. Sometimes, just showing up and offering any kind of help—whether emotional or practical—can speak volumes, even if they can’t articulate what they need in the moment.

Helping Yourself Helps Others
When a loved one is suffering from depression, it’s easy to pour all your energy into supporting them, but it’s just as important to take care of yourself. Self-care is not selfish—it’s essential for maintaining your own emotional and mental health, which ultimately makes you a stronger support system. Self-care can include setting aside time to recharge, like going for a walk, spending time with friends, or engaging in a favorite hobby. Incorporating mindfulness can help too; for example, when you start feeling overwhelmed, pause and take a few deep breaths to ground yourself in the present moment. Reframing thoughts can also be powerful—you can remind yourself that while you care deeply for your loved one, it’s okay to acknowledge that you can’t fix everything. Simple acts, like journaling your emotions or taking breaks to focus on your own needs, are critical. These practices allow you to maintain balance, ensuring that you’re not only there for your loved one but also for yourself.

Support isn’t Singular
No matter how helpful your support is to your loved one, support is more effective when it comes from multiple sources. It’s crucial to recognize that they may need more support than you alone can provide, especially in cases of severe depression. Managing depression often requires a network of care that includes one’s friends, family, therapists and community resources. Community resources can include mental health clinics, support groups, crisis hotlines, community centers, religious organizations, nonprofit organizations and exercise and recreation programs. Many employers offer Workplace Employee Assistance Programs (EAPs) that provide confidential counseling and support services for employees dealing with personal challenges. It’s important to have crisis information available in case your loved one begins to express feelings of hopelessness, such as talking about not wanting to live.

It’s okay to encourage your loved one to reach out to additional sources of care, as healing often comes from a combination of professional, social, and personal support systems. Encouraging a loved one to seek additional forms of support, such as a community resource, can be a delicate process, however. Start by opening the conversation about their feelings and normalizing the idea of seeking help, emphasizing that it’s a brave step many take. Offer to research resources together, suggesting a trial run to reduce pressure. Let them know you’re there to support them—whether that means accompanying them to their first appointment or sharing success stories from others. Encourage small steps and check in on their feelings, but ultimately, respect their pace and decision-making process as they navigate their journey.

Help is Available
Supporting a loved one through depression can feel overwhelming, but remember that you don’t have to navigate this journey alone. If you or your loved one is ready to take the next step—whether that means seeking guidance on how to provide support or pursuing professional help—reaching out to me can be a valuable resource. I'm here to help you both find the support you need to foster healing and growth together.

The winter months can bring challenges that can be hard to navigate with the shorter days, the pressure of the holidays and the general heaviness that can come with this time of year.

The Effects the Winter Season Can Have on Our Well-Being
During the winter months, it’s common to experience feelings of loneliness, sadness and a specific type of depression, known as Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). SAD shows up when there is less exposure to natural sunlight, which disrupts the body’s circadian rhythm, lowers serotonin levels and melatonin production. This can cause disruptions in mood, sleep patterns and other related symptoms.

Experiencing loneliness during this time of year is also quite common. Loneliness is the feeling of being disconnected from yourself and/or others and is often accompanied by a sense of sadness or isolation. With colder weather, people tend to stay inside more, which can mean fewer opportunities for social interaction. For those who are grieving or don’t have close relationships, the holidays can be especially tough. The focus on family during this time can really highlight what might feel absent—whether that’s a romantic relationship, children, or loved ones who have been lost. It can also stir up feelings for those navigating estranged or difficult relationships. All of this takes a toll on our mind, body and emotions.

How Seasonal Affective Disorder and Loneliness Show Up in the Body
Most of us are relatively aware of the emotional, mental and behavioral effects of loneliness and depression, such as low mood, feelings of worthlessness or guilt, loss of interest in activities we once enjoyed, trouble concentrating and withdrawing socially. But one aspect that can be easily overlooked are the physical symptoms that accompany these emotional states. The problem with only addressing the emotional, mental and behavioral symptoms at the exclusion of physical symptoms is that it doesn’t adequately address the experience holistically, and as a result not as effectively. A good place to start is by linking emotional states to physical sensations in the body.

For example, if sadness were a place in your body, where would it be? How about loneliness or depression?

• Would it be the lump in your throat?
• Or in your chest that feels so heavy?
• In the pit of your stomach?
• Or how about your entire body, from head to toe?

Physiological symptoms of SAD and loneliness can show up in unique ways such as physical exhaustion and fatigue, sleep disturbances, appetite changes, weakened immune system, increased heart rate and various aches and pains. Your body can provide physiological cues to prompt you to pay attention, helping you to recognize your needs and take care of yourself by responding accordingly.

Listening to the Messages Your Body is Giving You
Words are not always needed for communication to occur. For example, our bodies can communicate with us through the physiological sensations and symptoms we experience. For example, if we feel parched and lightheaded, those uncomfortable sensations can be a way that our body might be telling us, “I’m dried out! Your energy, focus and mind depend on me. Please drink something hydrating soon!” Or if we’ve gone multiple days with poor sleep because we’ve stayed up late, resulting in feeling sluggish and fatigued throughout the day, our body might beg us, “please go to sleep earlier tonight, I need sleep to function at my best!”

The good news is that there are practical ways to respond to our body’s messages when we experience SAD or loneliness. Below are some examples of what your body might be communicating and ways you can effectively respond.

• “Don’t keep me in the dark all day!”

Light exposure is crucial for regulating mood and sleep cycles. Try to get at least 20-30 minutes of natural sunlight each day, especially in the morning. Because sunlight is limited during this time of year, consider purchasing a light therapy lamp, which is designed to mimic natural sunlight.

• “I need to move to feel good!”

Regular exercise can reduce fatigue, increase energy, and improve sleep quality.  Activities like walking, stretching, yoga, dancing or cycling can release endorphins and help improve mood. Even 10-15 minutes a day is a great start and can make a noticeable difference over time.

• “Let me wind down—I just need some sleep.”

Poor sleep can worsen symptoms of depression and loneliness, and if you’re not getting enough sleep, it can make everything harder. Set up a nighttime routine that promotes relaxation and a consistent sleep schedule to ensure you’re getting enough hours of sleep. Since blue light from screens can interfere with sleep, limit screen time before bed and create a calming environment to help with the winding-down process. Consider dimming lights, lighting candles, taking a bath, reading, listening to calming music or using techniques like deep breathing or meditation to help you relax and unwind.

• “Hydrate and nourish me.”

Though it can be challenging during the holidays, try your best to maintain a healthy, balanced diet that includes mood-stabilizing foods, like whole grains, lean protein, and fruits and vegetables. It’s a good idea to eat at regular intervals throughout the day to keep your energy levels up. Dehydration can contribute to feelings of lethargy, irritability, and brain fog, so aim to drink enough water throughout the day to stay hydrated and energized.

• “Help me relax.”

Mindfulness practices can help you stay grounded and reduce physical symptoms like tension, anxiety, and fatigue. Simple techniques, such as breathing exercises or guided meditation, can promote relaxation and help manage stress and physical tension in the body. You can download apps like Calm or Headspace for guided meditations, or you can search YouTube for free meditation videos.

• “Give me something fun to do!”

Having creative outlets and engaging in activities you enjoy, such as painting, writing, crafting, or playing a musical instrument, can be a great way to help release pent-up emotions and reduce physical symptoms related to stress.

• “I could use some expert advice.”

Consulting with a healthcare provider can be helpful to explore treatment options, such as supplements, lifestyle changes or medication. Healthcare providers can guide you to take the best course of action to address any underlying causes or symptoms.

Help is Available
Coping with the unique challenges that this time of year can bring can be overwhelming, but you don’t have to navigate this season alone. At Tobin Counseling Group, we’re here to help you find the support you need to take care of your mind, body, and soul. You don’t have to face this season—or any season—alone. Taking that first step toward reaching out for support can bring a sense of hope, relief, and feeling a bit more at ease. And it may just be your body’s way of saying, “thank you.”